I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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