we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize