my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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