i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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