my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
