So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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