You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
