i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
