One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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