im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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