If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Let's paint friendship bongs
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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