Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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