He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
