He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
