I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
