Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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