my mouth tastes like poor choices
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
