I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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