please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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