the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
