i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
