So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
