if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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