evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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