No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize