I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
