so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
