I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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