her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
