And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
