we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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