OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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