Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
