I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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