my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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