Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
