I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
