the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize