I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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