we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize