Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
