Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
