my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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