we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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