if you like me you must not know who I am
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
