She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
