Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
