there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
