if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
