What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
