Where did you get a picture of my penis
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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