My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
