I wish I only lived at night.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
