just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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