how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I deserve this hangover.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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