I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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