I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
