We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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