Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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