Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
