never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
