I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
