Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
