Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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