"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
