I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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